Check out @angelasstories or my Facebook page to read more of these miniature novels.
Original: If it’s original, it’s art / It’s a dead fish nailed to a wall / I sold it for $300K / It’s decomposing / … Tell the schmuck who bought it
Lord: Thou shalt not take the lord’s name in vain, unless thou art watching a sporting event, injured, or copulating. Then the lord understandeth.
Out: Wanna go out? / Oh, I have a boyfriend. & I’m coming down with a cold. & I’m not allowed to date. & you’re creepy… Maybe another time
Roll: Roll is a fun word. You can eat a roll, or roll down a hill, or roll play… / That last one is wrong / It is not! You’re just a prude. Continue reading
Lecture: She planned her anatomy lecture in her head as she examined. Her bullet had ruined the brain, but the other organs were simply beautiful
Assassin: The assassin’s run came to an abrupt end when he applied for a copyright on his signature killing style. …Rookie mistake.
Password: Her bday. Her fave color. Her 1st pet. She tried them all. What else could his password possibly be? She was clueless.
Curb: Sure, she had curb appeal. But the interior had no natural light, a moldy smell, and asbestos. He bought her on impulse. …Damn curb appeal
Contact: She sized him up. He mentally stripped her down. Turning him on got her off. …He would have been happier w/ some actual physical contact.
Punishment: No one knew or would ever know. She wasn’t even aware of the greatness she was capable of, b/c she never tried. The punishment fit the crime
Duel: At high noon, the epic duel began: Sebastian against his mortal enemy, the #In-n-Out drive thru. …Sebastian lost.
Headlights: Would the owner of the red Porsche report to the parking lot. Your headlights are on, you’re taking up 2 spots & you have a very small penis Continue reading
Romance: The romance novelist was never satisfied in her real love life. She wanted expertly written lines from her lovers, not true sentiment.
Solution: After months of work on the same equation, the solution finally presented itself: give math the bird and become a dancer.
Bother: Something was bothering Ella, but she wouldn’t tell him what. Joe couldn’t believe it: even his imaginary friends left him out of the loop.
Mnemonic: W/o Pluto the mnemonic would have to change: My very educated mom just sold us nothing but lies! LIES! You STOLE Pluto! Oh poor Plu-uu-u-to!
Charm: She’d been fired and broken up w/, so she threw her charm bracelet to the ground. Later she slipped on it and broke her neck. Go figure.
Rabbit: Evan bought a rabbit. He named him Stewey. Stewey went very well with peas, carrots, a little parsley, and a pint of beer. Ah, Stewey.
Regular: The last thing he wanted was a regular life. But he did want kids, a wife, friends. Those were essential. But he was sure there was more…
Law: After chucking her law degree out a window and hitting a man in the head, she realized personal injury law probably wasn’t the place for her
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This group includes an abecedarian, a sentence in which each word begins with the letters of the alphabet in order.
Air: She was walking on air. Unfortunately, air isn’t very stable and she soon fell to her death. It was tragic but predictable.
Chair: As he sat he thought, “My god, this chair is tiny.” When it broke beneath his 400lbs, he concluded that the chair was a danger to society.
Drill: The latest addition to the family was a 7/32 drill. The other drills weren’t very accepting. The new guy seemed a bit screwy.
Bear: Does a bear poo in the woods? / I dunno. Depends on the bear / That’s not the point / No, the point is, I know where a bull shits / …Hey Continue reading
Intolerant: He’s intolerant of the black, brown, and yellow. But most of all he hates white. Really now, what possible use is there for a white crayon?
Alternate: The model said no so he turned to the alternate: model’s friend. She turned out to be his dream girl. But she wasn’t interested in 2nd place
Step: The middle step was stuck inbetween–not upstairs, not down. But she didn’t mind. She was happy to help others get places. For the most part
Travel: “First, I want to travel through space!” The genie hurled the man’s unprotected body into the cosmos. The genie smiled: “That was easy.”
Surprise: His surprise proposal took an unforeseen turn when she swallowed the ring he’d hidden in her cake. Of course, after the surgery, she said no Continue reading