I’m working on a book about recovering from a breakup. As part of that project, I’m building a list of all the reasons why romantic relationships end. Here’s what I have so far, in no particular order:
- lack of love
- lack of like
- loss of love
- emotional abuse
- physical abuse
- abuse of someone outside the relationship
- too few shared interests
- too few shared responsibilities
- too little communication
- too similar personalities
- getting an STD
- different goals
- different lifestyles
- different cultural backgrounds
- different standards of personal hygiene
- different standards of living
- different sexual orientations Continue reading
As if breaking up isn’t crappy enough, it looks like the feelings of rejection and loss associated with a break up can cause you actual physical pain. Further proof that Shakespeare really knew what he was talking about when he invented the word “heartache.”
In this study, “Psychologists studied 40 recently-dumped volunteers who reported intense feelings of rejection when thinking about the breakup. All underwent four MRI brain scans, including one while looking at a photo of their ex and thinking about the split, and one while viewing a friend’s photo and thinking good thoughts about that person. Another scan took place as the volunteers wore an arm device that produced a gentle, comforting warmth, and yet another when the device was hot enough to cause pain.
“During each of the two negative situations—when the volunteers thought about the breakup and when they experienced a burning sensation—the same brain regions associated with physical pain lit up, suggesting physical pain and the pain of rejection hurt in a similar way.”
The author of the study, Edward Smith noted, “There may be something special about rejection… No other negative emotion, not anger and not fear, elicits reactions in the pain matrix of the brain.”
Image: Courtesy Flickr/oedipusphinx– — – — theJWDban
My boyfriend and I broke up three weeks ago now. We were living together, so we were still essentially together for a week after breaking up while I got my stuff together and headed back to California.
Now we’re friends. But friends who occasionally breakdown and tell each other how much we miss one another.
Our break up was very grown up – we both knew it to be the right decision despite our love for each other for personal reasons. There were no hurt feelings, no real anger or tension. It just… had to be.
Knowing that, we’re hoping that we can make a friendship work, because in addition to loving each other we were very much each other’s best friends. Losing that on top of the romantic relationship would truly suck.
But now I’m left asking – is it possible? Can exes be friends? Even beyond the history, can heterosexual men and women be true friends? Continue reading
I don’t have a home. A true home, I mean. I have lots of homes, but none that I can call my own.
I started my life in Bellingham, Washington, but we moved to California when I was four, so I don’t know that city at all. Then my home was Cypress, CA until the end of high school. That city served me well, but now that it’s in my past, I have no real need to go back. There’s really nothing too spectacular about inland Orange County. Continue reading