As a single lady in my twenties, I sometimes wonder where I’m supposed to meet eligible men. The general consensus seems to be that people meet their mates in school or at work.
Well, I’m done with school and I’m self-employed. I’m not to the point of taking on a lifetime of student loan debt in order to increase my dating pool, and there aren’t too many viable male prospects wandering through my home.
So I’ve looked into a few other options…
1. Bars. Great place to sacrifice all personal space and dignity. A full 22% of successful relationships begin in bars. Or maybe that was 2%…
2. Clubs. Nothing like having a stranger come up behind you on the dance floor and make you wonder if you’re being held up. Top-notch choice if you’re into douches.
3. The Internet. I’m a fan of OkCupid. The guy who messaged me saying he was a married man in his fifties looking to hook up — he seemed like a real winner.
4. Hardware Stores. Filled with men leering at anything with boobs that happens to walk through. Jack pot. Of course, all the men you’ll find here will be married homeowners. So they’ll leer, but they’ll sweat nervously as they do and they’ll never actually approach. Still, worth a shot.
5. Gay Bars. All the men here are friendly, cute, hygienic, fit, and gainfully employed. I’m sure if you work hard enough, you can turn one of them.
6. Blind Dates. Your friends know you better than you do. Their cousin with the twitch and no job: he may have bad breath, but if you look past his criminal record you’ll see why he’s perfect. Well, you know, perfect for you.
7. Escort Services. High risk of STDs, credit card debt, and arrest. But who cares — it’s a sure thing!
8. Birthday Parties. This one is actually legit. Unless you choose to hook up with your best friend’s brother and then things don’t go well and your friend cuts off all ties forcing you to break into her apartment to get her attention and then she calls the cops and you spend the next three years making license plates in a minimum security prison. Just a hypothetical.
9. The Gym. Fact: Women only go to the gym to be hit on. All men know this. Of course, most women are still under the erroneous impression that the gym is a place primarily intended for working out. Ha! We’re so dumb. But we’re pretty.
And that’s all that really matters.
Image: Courtesy Flickr/ fabbio