Does anyone know what the etiquette is for telling a girl that her boyfriend is gay?

I recently met a very sweet girl, then met her very gay boyfriend.

Not sure if she was oblivious or just didn’t care. Maybe she just likes the companionship… and doesn’t mind that he stares at other men’s asses.

Either way, I decided she needed to know the truth.

Me: So… You know your boyfriend’s gay, right?

Her: Excuse me?

Me: He likes men. Like, sexually likes them.

Her: Are you drunk again?

Me: Only a little. But seriously, I really like your boyfriend. He’s a perfect gentleman, very hygienic… but I think it’s time you recognize the truth here.

Her: What makes you think he’s gay?

Me: Well, he named his poodle Cher.

Her: He was being ironic.

Me: He also wears scarves on a regular basis.

Her: He’s stylish. And it’s been really cold in West Hollywood lately.

Me: Ok… There was that time that he sucked my boyfriend’s dick.

Her: Hey! That was an orgy. That so doesn’t count. I mean, if you count that then we’re both lesbians!

Me: That’s totally different. (By the way, you are amazing with your tongue.)

Her: (Oh, thank you!)

Me: What your boyfriend did to my boyfriend was totally gay, regardless of the context. What we did was just fun.

Her: Maybe you’re right… But, wait. That makes your boyfriend gay, too.

Me: Oh, no, he’s just bi. I am his first girl, but he says I’m his favorite.

Her: Favorite lover?

Me: No, girl. We’re waiting ’til we get married to make love.

Her: …I don’t think we can be friends anymore.

Image: Courtesy Flickr/ Guillaume Paumier