Why We Break Up

6

I’m working on a book about recovering from a breakup. As part of that project, I’m building a list of all the reasons why romantic relationships end. Here’s what I have so far, in no particular order:

  1. betrayal
  2. infidelity
  3. lack of love
  4. lack of like
  5. loss of love
  6. obsession
  7. jealousy
  8. emotional abuse
  9. physical abuse
  10. abuse of someone outside the relationship
  11. immaturity
  12. too few shared interests
  13. too few shared responsibilities
  14. too little communication
  15. too similar personalities
  16. depression
  17. getting an STD
  18. instability
  19. different goals
  20. different lifestyles
  21. different cultural backgrounds
  22. different standards of personal hygiene
  23. different standards of living
  24. money
  25. different sexual orientations
  26. different beliefs
  27. too much conflict
  28. too little spice
  29. too little attraction
  30. loss of attraction
  31. too much deception
  32. long distances
  33. having the long distance removed
  34. turns out the last spouse didn’t really die in the war
  35. turns out the last spouse is still the legal spouse
  36. turns out one partner isn’t the gender they appeared to be
  37. stubbornness
  38. saying things that can’t be taken back
  39. inability to forgive
  40. having to forgive too often
  41. too little time spent together
  42. too much time spent together
  43. different ideas about what a relationship should be
  44. different views on marriage
  45. different views on sex
  46. not enough sex
  47. too much sex
  48. bad sex
  49. bad kissing
  50. not enough affection
  51. too much affection for mom

Now, help me out. What else do I need to add to the list?

Image: Courtesy Flickr/ katerha 

6 comments on “Why We Break Up

  1. Kyle Strand says:

    What an extraordinary and amusing list. I would add “lack of respect” and “willful disregard for the opinions of one’s partner,” but I can’t really think of anything else.

  2. TreasureLA says:

    In LA, definitely “one person thinks they can find someone better/someone better is just around the corner”

    It may be folded into other ones listed like “lifestyle,” but I’ve seen a couple relationships end because one person was more social than the other

  3. Angela says:

    True story. Along with those: actually finding someone new

  4. Kyle Strand says:

    Also: finally realizing that all those little quirks you thought were endearing are actually driving you crazy.

  5. Kyle Strand says:

    Also also: a slip of the tongue. As Led Zeppelin put it: “One thing I do have on my mind, if you can clarify please do, / It’s the way you call me by another guy’s name when I try to make love to you.”

    Or to quote a Miss Manners (Judith Martin) column: “Q: What should one do when one accidentally calls one’s current lover by a former lover’s name? A: Seek a future lover. Such mistakes are easy to make and impossible to undo. Why do you think they invented the term ‘sweetie’?”

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