My family is incredibly overly-involved in my sex life. This is primarily because they all have happy marriages with kids and houses and animals and life insurance policies…

Because people will actually be affected if they die.

I just have my single existence. And they feed on it. It’s like crack for them. They must know all details at all times. Who? What? Where? When? Why? Who??? Ok, now really… why?

So I’m hanging out with my sister and she asks me, out of the blue,  in this menacing yet conspiratorial tone, “Are you having sex?” 

I’m so caught off guard by…

1) The sheer it’s-none-of-your-fucking-business factor and

2) The fact that she asks me this while we’re watching her one-year-old watch Sesame Street.

Bert and Ernie. In the tub together. Of course.

…so caught off guard that I respond:

“Do you mean right now?”

I stick my head down there and check out the situation.

“I don’t think so… I guess it’s possible…  Did you see something crawl up there?   Because that would be awkward…”

Unlike this.

Image: Courtesy Flickr/ karine*imagine