Worry is a dirty whore. Not worth it.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Robot Chicken, and Children’s Hospital are all pretty genius.

It really is better to have loved and lost.

Pleasure and pain go hand in hand – you can’t have one without the other. The people who have suffered the most pain are usually the people who’ve felt the most joy.

Finishing a great book is one of the thoroughly gratifying experiences in life.

Museum trips should be mandatory for everyone.

People only care about endangered species if they’re cute.

Two and a Half Men is not a good show and Charlie Sheen was never a good actor. Not ever.

Being single sucks balls.

Women pass just as much gas every day as men do, on average. We’re just more discreet about it. Well, at least some of us are…

Alcohol makes everything better, but only for the moment. Still, that moment is grand.

To do lists make life better.

Sex also makes life better.

You can’t make other people happy. Happy is something that comes from the inside.

Turkey kielbasa is just as tasty as the real thing and hell of a lot better for you.

Friendship is essential to a fulfilling life.

If you don’t like what you’re doing, find a way to make a change. Life is too short.

A diet that never lets you have the things you love is destined to fail. Again, life is too short.

You can’t truly love another person without loving yourself first.

Image: Courtesy Flickr/ hapinachu